ugaldew's blog
How to LIE
posted by ugaldew, May 13, 2006 9:34 AM — 27 commentsHere's how to lie without being caught.
Steps
- Practice lying in front a mirror or video camera.
- Don't lie too much or you might be caught. Don't be elaborate or over-embellish.
- Whenever you are lying to someone, look at them in the eye, don't look around. There are many subliminal messages people send when lying. Learn what they are and how to avoid them. Most professional lie detectors (i.e. law enforcement professionals) know what they are, and you should too. The cops will make small talk with you to establish what your "normal" behaviors are. When they get down to the serious subject matter, they look for deviances in behavior.
- Polygraph machines work the same way.
- Know your lie before you say it; don't make it up off the top of your head. If you have a hard time lying, try bending the truth.
Example: Q: Do you know where John Smith is?
A: No, I don't know where he is. (Although you might know he's at his house, you don't know which room he's in.)
- Remember to keep a basic idea of the lie, so if questioned deeper, you can stick to the same concept.
When speaking the lie, look the person in the eyes. People lower their guard and assume honesty when someone is able to look them straight in the eyes. (This takes practice.)
- Remember the original lie and stick to it. Telling a lie is a lot like story telling; take the original concept and expand on it as neccesary. Always keep the lie believable.
When you lie, tell them the lie and ONE fact because if you tell to much, they will suspect you of lying.
Don't add extra detail. It only makes it easier for someone to catch you lying.
Tips
- Don't tap your feet because this shows you are nervous and you may get caught.
Plan ahead of time.
- You must have a good reputation.
Don't blink a lot.
- Remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.
- If you do tap your feet or fidget during your lies, make sure to do it a little before and after your lie to make it seem less suspicous.
Warnings
- Don't lie too much.
- Don't lie when you are dealing with very serious situations, unless you can handle the pressure.
- Keep the lie simple. Complexity leads to confusion.
- Whenever possible, couch the lie between two truths. You may still be caught out, but the victim may credit you with ignorance instead of deceptiveness.
Comments | 
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1. posted by hilaryaq, May 13, 2006 2:28 PMPeople lower their guard and assume honesty when someone is able to look them straight in the eyes. (This takes practice.)
lol! This made me laugh, thanks Miguel, its a great blog! Mind you, I could be lying! ;D
2. posted by Slantsixx, May 13, 2006 6:50 PM
Thats funny!
But cops and law enforcment people don't like cameras (or photographers) to begin with.
Cops can't take your camera unless they make an arrest. Lying could be asking for arrest, which means you loose your camera. (and probably never get it back)
3. posted by clix, May 15, 2006 5:51 AM
great my friend!!! nice tutorial... thanks for comments...
but i dont lie!!! heheheh
Best Regards
Rodolfo
4. posted by dittohead, May 15, 2006 10:01 PM
"But cops and law enforcment people don't like cameras (or photographers) to begin with.
Cops can't take your camera unless they make an arrest. Lying could be asking for arrest, which means you loose your camera. (and probably never get it back)"
Hmmm...I smell a police auction and a cheap camera! w00t!
5. posted by falconreid, May 16, 2006 2:27 PM
Not many people need help learning to lie. It's dealing with honesty that no one can do. Try getting tips out on that and maybe it'll be useful.
6. posted by melodi2, May 19, 2006 2:26 AM
Hey, you can always make people think the truth is a lie as well! By assuming the characteristics outlined above that should be avoided when telling a lie....
7. posted by melodi2, May 19, 2006 2:27 AM
And if you tell the truth, and they think it is a lie.... you have a clear conscience?
8. posted by jcruz, May 23, 2006 9:34 PM
In the words of Indian Larry: Don't lie that way there is less to have to remember.
9. posted by Marinela, May 24, 2006 8:13 AM
Interesting tutorial. Am I lieing? Not this time. ;)
10. posted by Toaster, May 25, 2006 2:29 AM
Hmmm, ok.
Poker anyone?
;)
11. posted by bdopudja, Jun 3, 2006 5:00 PM
Great blog. :)
If nothing, it made us all lough a bit!
12. posted by rrss, Jun 5, 2006 1:46 AM
See you back at MI5. ;)
13. posted by automatic, Jun 6, 2006 4:57 PM
Hey, I REEEEEEALLY liked your blog.
REALLY!
It was AMAZING! TOTALLY AMAZING!!! Probably the best thing I've EVER read!!!
EVER!
REALLY!!!
About the iPod...
it uh...
broke... and the contest is cancelled.
Sorry.
Yeah, the GREAT, FANTASTIC, AMAZING people at SXC asked me to tell you.
You won... just unfortunately, you don't get an iPod like the one I have.
The one that my...
uh...
Um...
deaf grandmother left me in her will.
Um.
Yep.
Mmmmmmmm, hmmmmmmmm.
Alright then!
Hey, GREAT blog!!
:P
14. posted by ugaldew, Jun 6, 2006 7:18 PM
14@
LOL *** You made me laugh : )
15. posted by abeall, Jun 10, 2006 5:37 AM
Wow, that's alot to remember! Seems like it might be easier to just not lie. ;-)
16. posted by greekgod, Jun 11, 2006 1:56 PM
so who won the ipod?
17. posted by gtrfrkbob, Jun 11, 2006 6:40 PM
@11
You need a nice herbal tea.
18. posted by vickery, Jun 28, 2006 6:40 PM
how about every time you have to lie you just say ipod a lot. it'll probably distract your audience enough to get you through. the old "pull the ipod over their eyes" method.
like;
q: where were you last night?
a: well, i had my ipod, but there's this new ipod that i wanted to get, and i ran into my friend who had his ipod too when out of nowhere this flaming ipod fell down from the heavens and ipod!
i'm sure that'll work great. and that way you don't have to worry about all that lie detector stuff.
did i mention i work for apple?
19. posted by yuntse, Jul 7, 2006 8:07 PM
LOOK INTO MY EYES.... I NEVER NEVER EVER TELL LIES... BUT NOW THAT I READ YOUR BLOG I'LL THINK ABOUT IT
20. posted by nehle_wolf, Jul 9, 2006 8:13 PM
ROTFLMAO!
NICE ONE M8!
HAHAHA!
21. posted by poetul, Jul 12, 2006 12:23 PM
EEVIL :)
22. posted by Mosselman, Jul 15, 2006 7:36 PM
You are still nowhere if you arent as skilled and naturally used to it as some people are. It takes alot of practice, or a law degree to lie properly.
23. posted by bingo000, Aug 18, 2006 10:41 AM
lol, good one.
24. posted by viewsonic, Nov 4, 2006 2:41 AM
Everyone lies. Even the holliest person lies. If you care about other people...you need to lie, for them not to be harm. For ex if a criminal or a murderer is looking to your friend asking you where he is...you definitely lie for the sake of your friend's life. =)
25. posted by aldin, Nov 6, 2006 8:22 PM
Thats funny i`ll keep it in mind!
26. posted by missteddy, Feb 13, 2007 2:19 AM
I do not care who you are when you lie it only hits you in the butt somewhere down the line, so its better to tell the truth then to lie.
Who knows when you get to heaven and you look God in the eyes and lie to him whats going to happen to you then.... rolflmao well I know you go right to the hot place ..... lmao
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